Not so long ago, I saw a four-year old do her homework! I am not sure if a four-year old, needs home work – anyway, that’s a topic for another blog. I watched this child, as she filled the page with the letter ‘A’. She kept on erasing and re-writing it. I asked her why she was doing that and the answer was, “I want a star on my page.”
This set me thinking. What is the purpose of the rewards we give children? To get a task done? Or to learn from the exercise?
Rewards:
Firstly, I would like to tell you Dr Montessori’s take on ‘Rewards’. She said that rewards take the focus away from the work and place it onto the reward. The value of the work and its indirect positive effects are highly undermined when rewards are offered.
Let’s take the example of a child in a Montessori environment who is transferring beans using a pair of tongs. She has many spilled beans. Now there are 2 options for the guide to get the child to do better.
- The guide can say, “If you have no spills I will give you a star.”
- The guide can challenge the child and say, “Let’s see if you can transfer the beans without dropping even a single bean.”
Option 1 is offering a reward. Here the focus is shifted from the skill of using the tongs carefully, to the star. Even though the child is trying not to drop the beans, her focus is on the star and not on her abilities. The child’s focus is on the future and not in the present moment. We call this the ‘product zone’. As soon as you offer rewards for jobs well done, you are pushing the child into the ‘product zone’. This prevents the child, from getting the satisfaction, of a job well done.
Now the counter argument could be – Aren’t adults in the ‘Product zone’? Most of us would not work without a salary! That’s true, but it is best for the child to get into the product zone organically as she grows up – when she understands that the reward is for the value of the work she is doing. The early years should focus on doing things because she wants to do it. This way we are helping the child reach self –mastery and not just a level of achievement. We are thereby instilling satisfaction in its truest sense.
A reward may not just be a thing or a star. For example: I have seen a child build a LEGO project and is upset because the adult did not give her a high five. Here, the appreciation has been transformed into a reward. However, when the appreciation is honest, it will not only help the child’s self-esteem, but will also teach her how to take a feed -back.
There is nothing wrong in giving a child a reward for a job well done – however, what is wrong is linking the reward to the job. Giving a high five is very appreciative. But the child’s dependence on it to make her feel satisfied is the problem. This could result in an adult who is very dependent on appreciation from the external world for anything they do. We call this “Extrinsic motivation.”
In Option 2, the challenge given by the guide, is going to make the child want to do her best. She will be in the present moment and focus on each move to avoid the spill. She is focusing on self-mastery and nothing else. When a child works from this zone, it could be called, ‘the flow’. When children work in ‘the flow’ they are so satisfied and joyful at the end of the work that praise, appreciation etc are only secondary to the feeling of accomplishment that she has. This is called “Intrinsic motivation.”
Please don’t rob the child of this intense feeling of accomplishment by offering rewards or doing the job for them. Many such moments of being in the flow and accomplishment, leads to self-mastery, self-discipline and an immense confidence in one self. Instilling intrinsic motivation and working in flow will help the child reach a state of complete satisfaction. Such a child will be able to be happy because she gave the job her best and the outcome will not break her down or build her up. This is a much needed skill in today’s world, where children are feeling so burdened to live up to expectations in order to get the rewards and thus making decisions that are harmful to them.
Appreciation
Appreciation is one thing that an overdose of which, will do no harm. However how we appreciate or praise will determine if it will help the child or not.
Take a look at this example:
Child: “Mama see the picture I made.”!!!!
Adult: “Oh! So beautiful.”
This is called ‘Blanket praise.’ This type of appreciation is not complete. It does not show your complete involvement in the observation. It does not tell the child what makes you say it is beautiful and where is the scope for improvement.
Take a look at example 2
Child: “Mama, see the picture I made.”
Adult: “I love the bright colours you used. I see how hard you tried to stay within the lines while colouring. The house you drew looks beautiful.”
This is called authentic appreciation. Here the adult brings the child’s focus to the positives in his colouring. This also tells the child what you exactly liked. Your deep observation conveys interest.
Feedback
It is important to give honest feed-back too.
For example: The child shows you her colouring and most of it is outside the line.
Adult says, “I see how hard you tried to stay within the lines (point at the area which is within the lines). You could try colouring slowly towards the edge and you will be able to keep all the colouring within the lines. (Point at the area with colouring outside the line)
Authentic feedback brings about positive learning experiences.
Personal best:
Honest appreciation and feedback will help the child to identify her “personal best”. In one of her books, Dr Montessori quotes an example:
A child comes up to her with a piece of paper with scribbles on it. She asks Dr. Montessori, “How is this?” Dr. Montessori in order to buy time said, “What do you think?” to which the child answered, “This is my best for today.”
What an amazing way to self-evaluate. When you teach children to identify their personal best you are giving them an important skill, “Self- evaluation/reflection”
In conclusion, here’s the ‘HIGH FIVE”!!!!
- Try to instill an inner motivation in children by avoiding rewards.
- Help the child identify his/ her personal best.
- Use authentic appreciation liberally.
- Allow the child to feel the sense of accomplishment.
- Appreciate effort not just the end point.
In this way you will help your child understand satisfaction beyond material gain. You will be able to teach your child when to be content and when she could have put in more effort.
